Today’s post came as a result of a Twitter conversation with Holley Trent back in June. My memory is a bit rusty on the specifics of this… I believe she’d mentioned wanting someone to ask her really crazy interview questions just once. I offered to step up to the plate. After brainstorming, I wasn’t thrilled with my “crazy” questions so I let them sit for a few months.
I found them the other day and sent them off. Holley sent me ten of her own. You can read my responses over on her blog.
Her responses were awesome, as I’d fully expected them to be. If you’ve read her books, you know why. Speaking of, here’s one of her latest (a funny paranormal romance):
After twenty-eight years, skeptic John Tate is cast out of his cult. As he has neither money nor education, he’s completely without prospects. That is, until Gulielmus, his long-silent demon daddy, swoops in with a job offer this half incubus can’t refuse: seducing women for Team Hell. Sounds like a great gig for a virgin.
Ariel Thomas knows smart women don’t stop for hitchhikers, but the one she spots on the Arizona roadside lures her like an irresistible mirage. For once in her well-regimented life she decides to do something out of character, and offers the gorgeous hobo a ride. She’s got a long drive ahead to North Carolina, and what better way to stay awake behind the wheel than to have eye candy to ogle?
John’s unsophisticated charm makes Ariel swoon, and he’s enthralled by her worldliness. The two fall hard and fast, but Gulielmus wants to put the skids on their cross-country love affair. John may be hiding his true nature, but Ariel has some secrets in her family tree Team Hell won’t forgive.
Demon spawn aren’t supposed to fall in love with their prey, and John is forced to make the age-old choice: good versus evil. Who’d be easier to run from—his powerful demon father or the woman who actually thinks he’s worth loving?
Here’s the interview:
1. If you had to be probed by an alien, where would you want to be probed?
I’m a married woman, so I’m going to say, “IN MUH BRAIN.”
Related: There are so many different aliens in popular culture, so what kind of alien would you want to be your prober?
I’d prefer the parallel dimension sort of alien that has all the familiar appendages and recognizable facial features…and that doesn’t have some sort of impenetrable exoskeleton. If I need to stab that sucker with a shiv or something, I want it to actually do some damage.
What would you tell everyone about it when you got back?
That I got brainwashed, but it didn’t help.
2. What would be the title of your autobiography?
Y’all, Stop Judging Me!: The Collected Memoirs of a Bible Belt Smutress
3. What song do you sing in the shower?
“Come On” by Panic! at the Disco/Fun. I sing Nate Reuss’s part. Badly.
4. Why the love of greasy guys?
I wish I could tell you. I would blame the grungy nineties, but I was in a prepster phase back then. I also have a thing for gingers and shaggy-haired Irishmen.
5. If you were a Shrew, what would be your super power?
[The Shrews are my band of snarky private detectives/super-heroines.] I think my super power would be going days on end without sleep. HI, DEADLINE. I SEE YOU.
6. Your nemesis needs offed. What is your creative, Heathers-esque method for doing it? (Bonus points if you get an obsessed boyfriend to do it for you).
Oh, I dunno. Maybe jerryrig her laptop so when she opened the lid, she’d be rendered catatonic by a carefully-curated collection of Tumblr porn. That New York Times bestseller spot WILL BE MINE. (Not that I’ve given this any thought.)
7. If you had to lose a limb, which one would it be and what would you replace it with?
Probably my left arm. I’d replace it with a Go-go Gadget Grappling Hook.
8. A scraggly guy who looks suspiciously hot beneath his full beard and greasy hair asks you to run away with him for the summer, you hope he is a) a pirate, b) a member of Hell’s Angels, c) a gypsy, d) an alien (No, I don’t understand what’s up with my alien fixation right now).
Pirate. I’ve always wanted my own yacht/dinghy/whatever.
9. You wake up tomorrow and discover you’ve been infected with a Were virus. What animal do you hope you turn into on the full moon?
Something people don’t shoot at for meat, and that hawks can’t carry away. Maybe a were-Siberian Husky.
10. What’s the oddest thing you’ve ever put on bread?
Barbecue potato chips? No. I’m sure there have been stranger things, but at the moment I can’t recall them. Probably for good reason.
Hey, Holley, you ‘member when I asked you supposedly crazy questions, and you answered them? Yeah. That was awesome!