Here’s the recap of the chats with my guy (MG) I’ve posted on my Facebook page in July/August.
Chat with MG while he was watching the Under the Dome pilot. Slight SPOILERS for the pilot!
Let me set the scene first. One of the main characters nearly hit a cow and spun out of control into a field with more cows. He got out of his smoking car. MG and I heard the rumbling on the television that implied the mysterious dome was about to appear.
MG: I wanna see some bifurcation! I’ve loved that word since I learned it in City of Heroes.
Me: Does that mean cut in half?
MG: Yeah. One of the villains in the game could do that
(For the record, it means “the division of something into two branches or parts”)
Me: I bet the car will get cut in half.
MG: Nah, it’s gonna be the guy.
Me: I looked him up on IMDB, he’s in all the episodes. It’s not him.
MG: Then one of the cows…
*dome comes down. A cow gets cut in half*
Me: WHOAAHH HOLY (#*#$(@
MG: See?! BIFURCATION! I CALLED IT!
Me: *still staring, horrified* Yeah, I was wrong.
Me: *stares and tries not to laugh*
MG: Uh. You gave me the lip look.
Me: The lip look?
MG: Yeah. I can’t do it. I can’t even think how to move my muscles to do what you do. It’s not a sneer like Mena (our cat). It’s more like… a diagonal. Or no…you know those screwdrivers *makes an incomprehensible hand gesture* That do this and then this? It’s like that.
Me: *stares* Uh, no.
MG: Okay, it’s like…a lightning bolt. *draws a lightning bolt on the air*
MG: *still drawing* But like…the Flash’s lightning bolt.
Me: *busts out*
MG: True story, bro.
Me: *laughs harder*
For the record, MG says the “lip look” is when I’m “about to succumb to the awesome” (and laugh at his puns/jokes)
Last week MG was in rare form and made up three brand new words all within one sentence. I laughed. My laughter did what it always did, it unleashed the beast. Here’s all of the words he came up with that night:
For Rebecca L. Fisk Writer/Photographer/Artist
I asked MG to give me these words in a sentence. Here’s the conversation:
Despotatator – MG: You’re such a Despotatator, trying to give me orders.
Mintatude – MG: I got no idea what that was
Readitative – MG: *shrug*
Closamental – MG: *shrug*
Sayanation – MG: What the f*ck? I think you made these up.
Eyegasmic extemporology – MG: What the f*ck were we talking about? It must have been movie trailers.
Me: “Ok what’s extemporology then since you made that up too? MG: “The study of…extemporaneousness.”
MG: My phone was making weird sounds earlier. *picks it up and swipes*
Me: Oh yeah?
MG: But it was too far away. *still looking at screen* *breaks into song* So far away from me.
MG: So far away I just can’t see.
Me: *death glare*
MG: So far away. *looks up* *laughs nervously* Um…I take it that’s Dire Straits?
Me: *nods slowly and glares*
MG: *backs up* I had no idea it was Dire Straits. *backs up more*
(He knows I don’t like Dire Straits with the strength of a thousand suns)
(an illustration of my dirty mind vs. his…not so much):
MG: I need a break. Chris and Grace [his employees] are going at it
Me: fighting or…?
MG: no, then I’d have to call in safety and security. Verbally.
Me: I meant a verbal fight. As opposed to rutting on the table, darling
As Rebecca L. Fisk Writer/Photographer/Artist suggested this is titled “MG and the War On Drugs”
MG: Did you see there’s a movement to ban nail polish remover?
MG: Yeah, apparently it’s used in the production of meth
Me: I am NOT okay with this. I need me my nail polish remover
MG: Now that they [meth cookers] can’t get sudafed they’re switching to acetone…or something. I read an article. The CVSs in the northeast have supposedly been voluntarily removing the bottles. Apparently they’re putting them behind the counter and limit customers to 2 bottles per day. You’ll have to show your ID and sign something.
Me: *laughs* Only two per day?? I need FOUR each time I go! I need me one of those 2 gallon bottles at Sally’s!
MG: *snorts* Oh. If you do that, you’ll be forced to put your name in a nail polish remover offender’s database and notify the neighbors. When we move, you’ll have to knock on doors and be like, “Hi, I’m Anya. I’m an acetone user.”
Me: No! I’ll spend 9 months over at Harrold’s beauty academy, getting my cosmetology license just so I can buy 2 gallons of polish remover.
MG: *sees me walk in from work* Wow, you came in quietly like a stealthy tornado.
Me: A stealthy tornado, eh?
Me: Like a tornado made a stealth bombers? That would be way cooler than a sharnado. *sits down, notices the throw pillow is wet* Ewh. Editor cat must have licked this.
MG: She was licking it like a stealth tornado.
Me: You already used that. Please choose a fresh phrase.
MG: She was licking it like a constipated rhino.
Me: um, what?
MG: like a cadaverous crab?
Me: *shakes her head*
Chat with MG while he’s home sick and I’m at work:
MG: oops accidentally started to open a box of yours
Me: it’s probably just the nail polish [for RCon13 swag] So no biggie
MG: I think it is. It’s heavy
Me: haven’t ordered you any xmas presents or anything
MG: hahaha. Still I don’t normally open your stuff
Me: fine… YOU ASSHOLE WHAT THE HELL THAT WAS PRIVATE WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM
Me: happy now?
MG: yeah. much better