Crazy/Awkward Interview – Sione Aeschliman


Today Sione Aeschliman stopped by for a crazy/awkward interview. Her newest release is “The Usual” from Inaccurate Realities. “The Usual” is a YA speculative fiction short story about a 16-year-old girl named Callie who has grown up in a society where, about fifty years ago, someone invented the perfect haircut, and now everyone except people with deformities and anti-conformists get nothing except The Usual Haircut. But Callie has lost a bet and must ask for something different. It’s a story about social norms, how people enforce them, and fear of people who break them. Check it out!

Find out more about Sione and her services as editor and writing coach:

Crazy/Awkward Interview with Sione Aeschliman

*gestures at the empty seat beside her* Hey there, Sione! Er…hang on a sec. *picks dirty spear up off the cushion and sets it against the wall* Want a piece of fancy chocolate or cheese? *eyes carefully to see which is picked*

*sits down, picks up spear and dusts off tip* Don’t mind if I do, thank you. *spears several cubes of cheese and pops a piece of chocolate into her mouth* Mmm…delicious! ;*) Thanks for having me on the blog, by the way. So honored to be here!

Great! I’m going to jump right into the awkw…er, questions.

Q: Is anyone in your story named after a color?

A: No. Oh, wait, yes, actually. Khaki Man. I mean, that’s not really his name, but that’s what Callie, the main character, starts calling him in her head after he threatens to beat her up.

Q: You discover a race of sentient termites beneath your sink. They declare you their grand poobah. What name do you take, which of your neighbors do you sic them on, and why?

A: I think I’d reuse a name from my belly dancing days: Perhihan Habibah. It means “beloved goddess of nymphs.” Always thought it had a nice ring to it. I don’t know off the top of my head who I’d sic ‘em on. Maybe the termites and I would become a kind of crime-fighting team. We could seek out evildoers and then destroy anything they own that’s made out of wood.

Q: What keeps the darkness at bay?

A: Years and years of training. But I’m trying to undo that. I’m trying to let the darkness in, to embrace it, and then to write from that place. It’s really hard and scary and it’s probably going to take me a really long time to get there, but worth it.

Q: How do you feel about jackalopes?

A: I think they’re cute, but I hate the way they laugh. And that stupid catchphrase – UGH! =*P In short: kill ‘em all.

Q: A freak gamma ray accident at a nearby science lab turns lab animals into giants. They break out and fight each other for supremacy in the Walmart parking lot. Which two are involved in the boss battle and which one is victorious?

A: Mantis shrimp vs. Australian box jellyfish. Both are somewhat astonished to find themselves fish out of water, so to speak, and begin to panic. The box jellyfish flails its tentacles, taking out several Walmart patrons and landing a direct hit in one of the mantis shrimp’s eyes, unleashing a stream of toxins into the shrimp’s body potent enough to kill ten Godzillas. But before the mantis shrimp dies, she manages to fire off a stab with her claw that not only slices the jellyfish’s body in half but also emits a sonic boom, flattening everything in a three-block radius, including the Walmart. Everybody dead.

Q: What’s the weirdest thing that has ever licked you?

A: An ass. My mom and I were walking the Cumbria Way in England one summer and had to walk through a farm yard. Mom went first, passing between a cow and an ass without incident, but as I approached, the ass turned and started walking toward me. Not having much experience with wild domesticated animals, I became skittish and gave the ass a wide berth. It adjusted its course to intercept, its head bobbing in time to its quickened steps. I walked faster. The ass sped up to a trot, fairly charging at me now. I was almost to the gate, my heart pounding, when I decided I looked ridiculous running (or walking very quickly) away from an ass. I decided I needed to face my fear. I turned and put out my hand in a gesture that indicated HALT! YOU’RE SCARING THE POOP OUTTA ME! The ass slowed, reached me and stopped. It laid its forehead against my outstretched hand and just stood there, blinking at me. I rubbed its head a couple of times, said, “Okay, then,” and backed away slowly. It finally let me go. (Okay, so there was no licking, but I wanted to tell that story.)

Q: Describe your happy dance.

A: I’ve recently sold the rights to my last happy dance, and the new one is still in beta testing.

Q: Guillermo del Toro taps you to write his next movie. What is it called and what is the one line blurb?

A: Enigma. I wouldn’t want to spoil the surprise…

Q: Have you ever made up any words? (follow-up questions: please give the word, define it, and then use it in a sentence)

A: Hungrumpy – (adj.) When one is hungry and consequently short on patience. If I don’t eat something in the next five minutes, I’m going to go from hungrumpy to hangry.*

*Hangry – (adj.) Word made up by a friend, describes being so hungry one is downright pissed off.

Q: Fill in the blank: The riddle of ____________ must be _____________.

A: The riddle of the Sphinxter must be solved by an enterologist.


What grade do we give Sione for her crazy/awkward answers? Comment with your letter grade below!

Got a question you’d like to ask Sione or one you want to see on the next crazy/awkward interview? Comment!

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