Here’s the recap of the chats with my guy (MG) I’ve posted on my Facebook page in September – November.
*tries to sneak up on me as I edit* *wraps his arms around my shoulders*
Me: *unfazed* You can’t sneak up on me.
MG: I wasn’t trying.
Me: Yes, you were. You’re in a constant state of trying to sneak up on me.
MG: Nuh uh. I’m in detrial.
Me: In what?
Me: How is that spelled?
Me: What does it mean?
MG: It’s like denial only it’s not trying.
Me: Wouldn’t that be de-trying?
MG: Same thing.
September 15 – Chat with MG after breakfast
MG: *points at Anya’s leftover slices of toasted Italian bread* I love this bread. I think this bread should be automatically made and left in everyone’s homes. Every day. Like…gnomes should bake it overnight. It’s THAT good.
Me: And slice it, too?
MG: Yes, and slice it. That’s an important part of the process.
Me: Yeah, since we can’t slice it thin like that.
MG: I keep trying to get you to let me buy one of those roast beef meat slicer thingies.
Me: *stomps into the living room* Your cat is WEIRD. One second she was in here with you and the next she was in the kitchen, staring at me. It was as if she appeared out of no where.
MG: She’s a very dangerous predator.
MG: One day you’ll wake up and go to the bathroom and she’ll jump out of no where and attack you and tear off all the flesh from your bones and replace you.
Me: Replace me?
MG: Yeah. She’s a very dangerous predator.
Me: *stares* *shifts her eyes to the wall*
MG: I just discovered why I like the airplane repossession show.
MG: Mike Rowe narrates it. So it’s true–any crap is awesome if Mike Rowe narrates it.
Me: IDK, Mike Rowe probably wouldn’t narrate crap.
MG: So he wouldn’t do slug racing?
Me: He might. If it were spiked, competitive slug racing. WAIT. I’ve GOT it. Heroine-infused, spiked, competitive slug racing…in SPACE! *cackles*
Me: C’MON! That’s EPIC! *mimes a slug going after another slug*
MG: It’s Cthulhu slugs?
Me: Don’t they have feeler things or something?
Me: Okay *mimes a slug with spiked antennae going after another slug* *mimes a hit* *mimes the reaction*
MG: They’re dancing now?
Me: No. That’s what happens after the hit in zero gravity.
MG: Oh, you mean like every action has an opposite and equal reaction?
Me: Yes, exactly.
MG: So…it’s a slug fest out there.
MG: *giggles madly*
Me: Seriously? I came up with heroine-infused, spiked, slug racing…in space and you barely laugh, but a lame pun and you can’t control yourself?
MG: You shoulda punned it up.
MG on other people’s definition of the word “friend”:
“they mean someone you have met and not killed”
MG: What was the thing they used to put at the front of shows that were in color?
Me: Huh? technicolor?
MG: That’s it! You rock
Me: You’re so lucky I can half read your mind
November 7 – Chats with MG, while watching S.H.I.E.L.D:
MG: *sees a metal cup float on TV* Magneto!
Me: why do you keep doing that when you know he won’t be in here?
MG: he could be. Iron Man was on episode 3.
Me: it’s not Magneto. So stop saying it every time something metal moves.
MG: I don’t always say Magneto–
Me: sometimes you say Erik Lehnsherr?
MG: *tries to keep talking but ends up busting out*
Me: Okay, since I know you won’t get to get up off your ass, which one of these games do you want me to put in?
MG: Um…Assassins Creed? I want to be impressed.
Me: But you could blow up buildings in Battlefield 4.
MG: Okay, do that one.
Me: Bends down and looks at the PS4. Um wtf. Where do I put the disk?
MG: It’s in there on the left side.
Me: *Pushes it in* oh my god, that’s so unusable. There’s absolutely no indication. And this line thingy isn’t even in the middle. Who the hell designed that?
MG: Yeah, I’d actually agree with you on that. All the labels are on there in that little black lip…written in black. That whole strip there is a touch sensitive button. That Death star Channel…that’s what I’m calling it. So when you try to put a Blu-ray in and fail, I can go “Negative. Negative. It impacted on the surface!”
MG: So apparently I was singing “Rock the Casbah” bad enough that the Playstation decided to crash.
MG: Yeah, there was no screen in Rock Band saying I’d failed. It just shut down.
Me: *laughs* Were you doing badly?
MG: OooOOOoh yeah.
Me: *laughs* Okay, so it was like “Stop, you’re killing me! And crashed?”
MG: Pretty much.
November 27 – Chat with MG’s friend Rob
MG: *hands Rob a plate of pumpkin pie*
Rob: That’s like one quarter of the pie.
Me: No, that’s not *like* one quarter of the pie, that *is* one quarter of the pie.
Rob: And pie is supposed to be three point one four.
MG: I was just coming to warn you that I’m mere minutes away from activating the robots.
MG: So, if you hear screaming and smell copper on the air, you might want to jump out the window and start looking for John Connor.
Me: *stares* *realizes he’s talking about his Robo Cutter* *busts out*